A Whole New Woman
by sapofbks2008
Summary: Haruhi went into the exchange program for a year and she came back a totally different woman. The twins get there revenge and then so does Haruhi.


**A/N: This story was an idea I had. It started as something different but ended up into this. Degrading yes but I will have to admit that I had fun writing this. I hope you like it.**

At the end of my freshman year I had decided to go into the exchange program that the school had so that I could spend a semester somewhere else in the world. It would look good on my school records and I really wanted to go somewhere even if it meant leaving everything important to me back at home. I had left because I had known that the Host Club would be waiting for me and that my father would love me even if I was thousands of miles away.

The one thing I hadn't expected was that I would go through some changes while I was away that might make it a little difficult for me to be in the Host Club anymore.

I was in the middle of packing to go home when my cell phone rang. I didn't have to look at it to know that it was Kyoya his ringtone told me it was him.

I really missed everyone.

"How is Chicago?"

I smiled and looked out my window, "It was a great experience to get to be able to come here, but now I want to go home." Admitting that wasn't a hard thing to do. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't have done it.

"The Host Club isn't the same without you."

I laughed in shock and dropped something else into my suitcase, "Kyoya that sounded slightly emotional. Have you gotten soft in me?"

"No I have not, although you might want to check on Tamaki. It seems that he's went a little soft in the head," Kyoya growled out.

I laughed. "Kyoya we might need to talk about the Host Club a little bit when I get home."

"Should I have a car pick you up?"

"Nope dad's going to do that. He's dying to see me and I have to admit that I'm dying to see him too."

"I'll see you Monday then."

I laughed. I knew that they would be waiting at the airport for me when I got off. I tossed the bag to the side and sat on my twin bed and prepared myself.

"Kyoya I don't think I'm going to pass for a guy anymore."

"I have a picture sitting right in front of me. I think you might be right."

Knowing that I have someone following me should have felt like an invasion of privacy but from Kyoya. I just thought that if he hadn't followed me I would have had to check to see if he was feeling alright.

"What you do is called stalking in most places."

"I am not stalking you. I have someone else do it for me."

Kyoya chuckled, "You grew up so much while you were gone. Tamaki will be crushed."

"That's not funny."

"I thought it was."

I thought of something, "What happened to Hunny and Mori. Did we have to replace them?"

"No, for the moment they make there appearances after school just like last year. Sometime during the next couple of weeks we'll get it figured out."

"Okay."

"I'll see you when you get home then?"

"Try to keep Tamaki out of jail."

Again Tamaki growled. I really had to wonder what Tamaki had done that was so bad.

"You might have to keep me out of jail if he wakes me up one more god damn time."

Ahhh. That explained it all. "I thought Hunny was the one who turned evil when he got woken up in the morning."

"I still haven't tossed that idiot through the window yet." He meant every word he said. I could hear it in his voice.

I laughed a little nervously and finally we hung up so I could get all my packing done. I sighed as I looked around me room. The packing was going to kill me. I was leaving with twice the stuff that I had come here with.

*A couple days later*

The flight had been long and tiring. I just wanted to go home and relax, but when I saw everyone waiting for me while I rode down the escalator I figured that sleep was the last thing I was going to get. Out of everyone waiting for me only Kyoya and my father seemed to see me. Everyone else was looking for a shorter, flat chest, who had short hair, and I was no longer any of those.

I was walking up to them when they all seemed to finally see me for the first time. Their reactions were all the same. Shock. My father ran up to me and proceeded to hug the life out of me.

"My baby girl, you've grown up so much!" he continued to hug the life out of me.

Despite my not getting any oxygen I was glad to be in my father's arms again. "Daddy I can't breathe."

My father finally let me go and Tamaki was the next one to get to me and hug the life out of me. I knew that if my father wasn't right in front of him Tamaki would do something perverted but since Tamaki was being watched he just hugged me and didn't say a word about the fact that I had size C breasts. That action alone almost spoke as loudly as if he had said something perverted. He did seem to be using me as a cuddle toy after awhile and so I peeled him off. After that it was a free fall for attention. The twins started pushing and shoving. Hunny ended up in the air and Mori ended up chasing after him so he didn't land in the middle of the airport.

And in the middle of chaos Kyoya stood there like there was nothing abnormal going on at all. In fact he just opened his book and started writing something down.

"Aren't you going to say hi?" I said after I pushed through everyone who seemed to forget that the reason they had been fighting in the first place had been because they wanted to greet me.

Nothing had changed. "I figured I would let the rest of them have a turn."

"They seemed to have forgotten what their objective was."

I went over to Kyoya and hugged him and he hugged me back. "I'm guessing that I'm not going to pull off being a boy in the host club any longer huh?"

Kyoya fixed his glasses and checked me out. I might have blushed if I didn't know that it was because he was figuring out a plan.

"Even if we were able to tape you're chest down properly I suspect that people would notice anyway. You have more of a figure now and you're face has gotten more feminine. People would know that you're a girl. I have noticed that you're taller too. "

I didn't want to be so sad to be leaving The Host Club. "I would have thought that your personal investigator would have told you that."

"He told me. There are just some things you have to see in person."

"I'll still see everyone I guess." I said referring to everyone and the fact that I wouldn't be a Host anymore.

"You don't have to leave the Host Club Haruhi. You can just be… management."

I little worried. "I have a feeling that I would have more fun gnawing on my hand."

Kyoya grinned. "That sounds painful."

"Does it now?"

Everyone finally noticed me and started attacking me and then they were all kicked out of the airport for causing too much commotion.

And I really missed being home? I must have lost my mind.

I walked into the Third Muscial Room on Monday in a dress. A dress I was finding I hated being in for an extended period of time. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Despite that I walked into the room and felt like I had come home. I had but a moment to savor the feeling before Hunny came up and proceeded to drag me farther into the room. The twins sat in chairs next to one another and gave me an evil look. It didn't take long for them to start torturing me again.

"Haruhi, we noticed something different about you the other day. We wanted to say something but you know with your father there and all it seemed rude." Hikaru stated.

I started to twitch. I had left the two of them two boredom for a whole semester and they were going to make me pay for it I was sure.

"Haruhi, it seemed that you have…" Kaoru acted like he couldn't find the words when I knew damn well he had plenty.

"What's the right word?" Hikaru searched.

Hikaru turned to Kaoru, "Jugs."

"Hooters."

"Handles."

"Twins."

"Watermelons."

"That's the word for it."

Let the games begin, and these were supposed to be my friends.

Tamaki jumped up, "You corrupting our daughter! Don't say such things about her…new womanly figure."

"Door knobs."

"Headlights."

It was completely pointless to stop this. They would keep going until they ran out of names.

"Cones."

"Bolders."

"Another good one."

"Why thank you Hikaru."

I went over to Kyoya and he started putting papers in front of me that looked like expenses. When had Tamaki rented an elephant?

"Bee stings."

"It must have been a really big bee."

"No bee could do such a thing."

"Agreed Kaoru."

"Wazoos."

"Honkers."

Kyoya looked from the computer to me, "I imagine that no one gave you a hard time when they found out you were a girl."

I shrugged and looked over a couple more things. "It's been months. People remembered me but they weren't upset about the fact that I was a girl. Mostly everyone's moved on. A couple of them did start crying though. It would seem that a couple of girls were waiting for me to come home to they could confess."

"It's good to know that I won't have to let Tamaki… take care of anyone for you."

I would wait awhile to state that I had a couple of admires since my re-entrance into Ouran. I took a look around the room and found Hunny eating cake with Mori by his side. Tamaki was in a corner looking like he needed therapy. Weird person…

The twins were still at it. "Have the two of you run out of names yet?"

I had expected the twins to do this. I would let them have their fun. I would just have to murder them later. I looked at Kyoya and figured I would have help.

"Is there any way to stop them?"

"No without causing damage to the room itself no. You wouldn't want to pay damages now would you?" Kyoya looked somewhat intrigued by the idea.

"No."

"I figured as such."

"Floppers."

"Nothing floppy about them."

I turned and glared at Hikaru.

"Bahama Mamas."

"Blinkers."

"Honkers."

"You used that one already."

"Did I?"

Hikaru sighed, "Take a point away from me then."

"Point taken."

I looked at an expense report. Who spent money on trained monkeys? And why did they cost so much money? I looked at the bottom of the page…

Tamaki, of course.

"Jobes."

"Fried Eggs."

Even Kyoya stopped and looked at the twins. "What?"

"I was being creative."

Kyoya stared. "You failed.

Kaoru put his best puppy eyes on. "That hurt."

Right….

You would have thought that game would have been over after that.

"Rolling Hills."

"Bombs."

It wasn't. I went back to what I was doing and let them continue to be sick little males with their sick little minds.

Tamaki muttered something in the corner, "My darling daughter…"

I was looking at a bill for 3 thousand pens with my face on them. I was fed up with the background noise, "Guys!"

"But wait there's more." Hikaru sounded like an infomercial.

I wanted to turn him off but he didn't have a mute button and even if he had I wouldn't have left my chair to go find it.

Kaoru grinned and batted his lashes at his brother. "Kaoru you bad boy…"

There was another brotherly love moment that bored me.

I would do almost anything at this point. "What would it take for the two of you to stop it?"

"Nothing. Never leave us again and we won't be reduced to such..." Kaoru waved his hand and thought of another word.

They seemed to be at a loss for words a lot today. It was starting to piss me off.

"Childish moments."

That was a good one. "I find that hard to believe considering the two of you are children.

Kyoya stopped typing on his computer to put in his impute. "If you don't let them do this now they'll keep bringing it up later until I have to kill one of them. I really don't want to lose the income."

"You would do anything for money."

"Yes."

With Kyoya's approval the game was continued.

"Golden Winnebago's."

"Gams."

"Gazanga's.

"Yabbo's."

I had to put me head down.

"Jungle-"

Kyoya stopped to stare him down. "No."

"Well fine you really mean I can't say…"

"No."

"Well why not?!"

"Because I said so." He went right back to typing.

I smirked. I guess Kyoya had his limits. It would seem that no one was allowed to say tits.

"I guess you do know a couple of them yourself."

"I'm a guy."

As if that explained it all….

"Mcguffies."

God, it was never going to stop.

"Set."

"High beams."

"Love Apples."

"Guns."

"Ninnies."

That's it.

I stood up and wrote on a blackboard that had never been there before this moment in time and I wrote the ending to this story.

_I would end this now. And they all died a horrible death after hours of stupidity. No one would come to their funeral because the bodies would never be found._

THE END!

"You can't lie like that." Kaoru whined.

"Watch me." I dared him.

"But! But! You can't do that I have more." Hikaru whined.

I had handled enough. Time for the story to end.

I hit Hikaru over the head until he was unconscious.

I killed Karou.

This time it was real.

Now Kyoya would only lose half the income, and I would have to make up for the loss.

THE END!

**A/N: Okay, so you've reached the end. I wanted the twins to start teasing Haruhi for her womanly figure as a type of punishment for Haruhi for leaving them for so long. I had to go to Urban Dictionary to find something creative and then I found the list. It was a rather long list. I couldn't help myself. What started out as a romance turned into something a little bit different from original plans. **


End file.
